Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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