the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
