Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
