captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
