I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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