she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
