You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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