It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
