Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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