how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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