I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
