Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I puked a lego.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
