Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
