I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
she was so not down for the gang bang
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
