yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
