Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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