Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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