I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
