i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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