i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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