My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
