I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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