just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
