Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
