Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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