Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
false alarm, still single
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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