I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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