Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
