i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
