As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Also, beer. Big fan.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
