He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
