what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
