Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
