If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
