my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
