So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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