I wanna bring you to show and tell
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
