Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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