If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
