I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
