I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
