Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
