I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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