I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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