Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
