Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
