just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
