whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
