My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
