You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
