I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
