Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
